Missing you

Salam.

It has been so long since my last post. I don't expect to be here again. Writing and pouring out my inner thoughts, my hidden feelings and everything in here again. Nothing changed. I am still the same girl. The lonely soul and broken heart. Yes. I am. I never thought that I could be this strong. I don't remember when the last time I cried but tonight, I do.

After re-read all my old post, I realized how fast time flies. And my loneliness still remain the same😅. I am still longing for the same person and still waiting for my prince charming to appear but hell yeah, I think I have been trapped into fantasy for too long that I can't go out forever and meet my real soulmate.

My poor soul my poor heart, it has been almost 4 years. But you are still going strong. What has gotten into you? Are you made of steel now? Wow. Amazing.

What do I do? I just can't love anymore. I have been into this single-life for years that now I feel like it is hard to be in love again. No. Never. Honestly, I don't know what should I do when the time has arrive someday. I have this feeling that I will reject it; everything, anyone. The most difficult thing to build is TRUST.

No. I don't simply give my trust to a guy who says " I love you." NO! NEVER! DON'T LOVE ME! But how? What will happen to me if I keep rejecting people trying to come into my life. I just can't be like normal girls out there anymore.

I miss you. Yes. I miss the times when I know how to love, how to appreciate people who said they love me. But......

Ughhh. It is hard to explain.

I miss you. But I can't love anymore. That's it. Forgive me for being too hard but this is myself. I built this. Myself. I let myself become like this and train my heart to stand strong. I stop crying. I stop falling in love. I stop seeking for love. I stop having hope. This is me. I am a woman made of steel.

I hope someday, there will be a guy who, after listening to all of this shit of me, willing to stay and believe in me. If there's one. I will chose him and never looking back. Only those who can accept my weirdnesses can be my lifetime partner. Only those who understands the loneliness that I've been thru deserve to fill in the empty spot in my broken heart.