Assalamualaikum. Hi, hello.
Wow. Just wow. Couldn't believe my eyes that I'm typing something here. Finally. I lost count of how many years I have left this blog. I don't either life has been busy or I kinda lost interest to write anymore.
Emm...or maybe there's too much things happen in my life that it makes me forget to write. Life. Is something too difficult to explain. It is complicated and unimaginable. But somehow bring us reasons to live and breathe.
2017. I don't know how to describe it. Not sure if it is an amazing year or just an ordinary year like before or a painful journey that I've gone through. We are near to end 2017, just few more minutes left to enter 2018 but I'm still confused of what year it has been to me.
2017. 2017 brings too much mixed emotions in my life. I'm happy for a moment but then cry for no reason. I've been hurt and never heal. I've been happy but only for a short moment.
2017. I cry a lot. I lost 5 kittens and my favorite actor. Sometimes I lost myself but mostly lost lots of tears while battling with sadness in the dark. For some reason, I feel afraid to walk into 2018 because I've been through too much along this year. All those scars still bleed and hurts. But I have promise to myself that I will embrace every broken part of my life so that everything stay together. I will stay strong and keep living.
2017. I wanna thanks to the person that make me smile and happy, Jung Joon Young. An artist, entertainer and a rocker. He rocks my life. His songs give me hope and reasons to continue living happily. Thank you Joon Young oppa. Your presence coloured my 2017 in so many ways. My life journey in 2017 couldn't be any better without you and your music. Most of the time I laugh when you laugh, I smile seeing you smile and LOLed at your jokes. Thank you for being who you are and thank for entertained me and all of your fans in 2 days 1 night. You are charming in every way. Me and all of Ibrahimovics loves you, Jung Joon Young oppa.
2017. There's still a lot of things that I haven't done and achieve but I will try my best to be a better person in the future.
Goodbye 2017. I will never forget of what had happened in this year. My tears and all of the hardship I have go through, everything will be buried deep down in my heart to be remember forever. Wherever I feel down and sad, I will try to find a reason to be happy again. I will never give up on my life.
2018. I'm not asking you to be nice. Because I've learnt everything in 2017. Life is a journey. When you love too much, you have to get ready to lose and let go. Life can be unpredictable. The person you love today can be the person you used to love on the next day. Life is near to death. Every person around us will leave us unknowingly. So love everyone wholeheartedly because every minutes counts. 2018, even I'm half ready to start a new journey, I still hope the best and good things will keep happen along 2018. May Allah bless us and all of the good souls that had left us in 2017. Alfatihah. Amin YRA.
Sunday, 31 December 2017
Tuesday, 5 September 2017
Missing you
Salam.
It has been so long since my last post. I don't expect to be here again. Writing and pouring out my inner thoughts, my hidden feelings and everything in here again. Nothing changed. I am still the same girl. The lonely soul and broken heart. Yes. I am. I never thought that I could be this strong. I don't remember when the last time I cried but tonight, I do.
After re-read all my old post, I realized how fast time flies. And my loneliness still remain the same😅. I am still longing for the same person and still waiting for my prince charming to appear but hell yeah, I think I have been trapped into fantasy for too long that I can't go out forever and meet my real soulmate.
My poor soul my poor heart, it has been almost 4 years. But you are still going strong. What has gotten into you? Are you made of steel now? Wow. Amazing.
What do I do? I just can't love anymore. I have been into this single-life for years that now I feel like it is hard to be in love again. No. Never. Honestly, I don't know what should I do when the time has arrive someday. I have this feeling that I will reject it; everything, anyone. The most difficult thing to build is TRUST.
No. I don't simply give my trust to a guy who says " I love you." NO! NEVER! DON'T LOVE ME! But how? What will happen to me if I keep rejecting people trying to come into my life. I just can't be like normal girls out there anymore.
I miss you. Yes. I miss the times when I know how to love, how to appreciate people who said they love me. But......
Ughhh. It is hard to explain.
I miss you. But I can't love anymore. That's it. Forgive me for being too hard but this is myself. I built this. Myself. I let myself become like this and train my heart to stand strong. I stop crying. I stop falling in love. I stop seeking for love. I stop having hope. This is me. I am a woman made of steel.
I hope someday, there will be a guy who, after listening to all of this shit of me, willing to stay and believe in me. If there's one. I will chose him and never looking back. Only those who can accept my weirdnesses can be my lifetime partner. Only those who understands the loneliness that I've been thru deserve to fill in the empty spot in my broken heart.
It has been so long since my last post. I don't expect to be here again. Writing and pouring out my inner thoughts, my hidden feelings and everything in here again. Nothing changed. I am still the same girl. The lonely soul and broken heart. Yes. I am. I never thought that I could be this strong. I don't remember when the last time I cried but tonight, I do.
After re-read all my old post, I realized how fast time flies. And my loneliness still remain the same😅. I am still longing for the same person and still waiting for my prince charming to appear but hell yeah, I think I have been trapped into fantasy for too long that I can't go out forever and meet my real soulmate.
My poor soul my poor heart, it has been almost 4 years. But you are still going strong. What has gotten into you? Are you made of steel now? Wow. Amazing.
What do I do? I just can't love anymore. I have been into this single-life for years that now I feel like it is hard to be in love again. No. Never. Honestly, I don't know what should I do when the time has arrive someday. I have this feeling that I will reject it; everything, anyone. The most difficult thing to build is TRUST.
No. I don't simply give my trust to a guy who says " I love you." NO! NEVER! DON'T LOVE ME! But how? What will happen to me if I keep rejecting people trying to come into my life. I just can't be like normal girls out there anymore.
I miss you. Yes. I miss the times when I know how to love, how to appreciate people who said they love me. But......
Ughhh. It is hard to explain.
I miss you. But I can't love anymore. That's it. Forgive me for being too hard but this is myself. I built this. Myself. I let myself become like this and train my heart to stand strong. I stop crying. I stop falling in love. I stop seeking for love. I stop having hope. This is me. I am a woman made of steel.
I hope someday, there will be a guy who, after listening to all of this shit of me, willing to stay and believe in me. If there's one. I will chose him and never looking back. Only those who can accept my weirdnesses can be my lifetime partner. Only those who understands the loneliness that I've been thru deserve to fill in the empty spot in my broken heart.
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